


Wedding (Dress)

by Shadow_of_Quill



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M, hermaphrodite!Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 22:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4409390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_of_Quill/pseuds/Shadow_of_Quill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Hidden Secrets. Light can't get L's proposal out of his head...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wedding (Dress)

**Author's Note:**

> Prequel: [Hidden Secrets](http://www.archiveofourown.org/works/2840675)  
> On a technical note, this is written in a more stream-of-conscious style, in present tense, and has no detail in the sex scenes.
> 
> On a personal note, I have no idea how my mind works. No one asked for this, but this is the only sequel I have felt inspired to write.

Light doesn't want to get married.

He's told himself that it will never be an option for him; he may technically be a hermaphrodite, but he is legally identified as male, and since that is also the gender he happens to be attracted to - well. Same-sex marriage is still not legally recognised in Japan. Even if it were, the chances of his ever meeting someone who he would _want_ to spend the rest of his life with are far too low for him to waste time considering them.

L is a statistical outlier. Light dates him because he can't _not_ \- L is challenging and taunting, always making it clear that he can do what no one else can and see behind Light's perfect mask, and yet he still _wants_ Light despite knowing how far from perfect he is - how can Light resist that? How could he be expected to?

First date, to their first week, to their first month, to their first year, and all the while Light is waiting for L to decide that his imperfections are too much - Light isn't nice or kind, his views are too black-and-white, he goes along with public opinion too easily, there are so many flaws that L can see in him which might lead to L turning his back and leaving as easily as he arrived. For months Light recites L's failings to himself before he falls asleep each night, so that if the next day proves to be the one when L ends their relationship he has the reasons why it isn't an unbearable loss clear and fresh in his mind.

It never happens.

As they grow closer, as they grow more comfortable with each other - rather, as they grow more comfortable admitting that they always have been comfortable together - L lets himself eye Light more. Light poses for him, chooses the clothes which show him at his best, and gets hard every time he notices L's admiration.

He gets wet, too, but he never admits that to himself. Boys don't. Men don't. _Males_ don't, and despite the flaw in his anatomy, he _is_ male.

L never pushes too far, and Light cannot tell whether it is because he cares more for Light's feelings than for his own satisfaction, or because he doesn't feel a strong enough physical attraction to be worth the risk of losing their cameraderie.

And then, more than a year since their first date, Light finds himself chained to a bed and L teaches him several things in rapid succession: L's ability to see who Light truly is is not clouded by his nonstandard genitalia, Light has been doing himself a disservice by ignoring part of his own body, public opinion on having sex with someone who you have emotional ties to is less far off the mark than he has come to expect, and immediately after sex L is manipulative and inclined to make poor jokes.

It's the dopamine to blame when he agrees to work with L. He assures himself of that as he packs to leave Japan. It's the endorphins making him look forwards to finding out what this job will be like.

It's not as if his only reason for refusing to work with L before now was his certainty that L would either break up with him or start cheating when the strain of abstinence grew too hard. His other reasons only seem to matter less because of the endorphins and dopamine.

Not even those hormones could make getting married seem like a good idea, though. It's not as if either of them are the sentimental type who'd enjoy a ceremony purely for the symbolism.

So Light honestly has no idea why he lets it slip at a family dinner a few months later (which his awkward lover, as always, fortuitously cannot attend) that L has proposed.

His family are almost as shocked at his unexpected announcement as he is: Sayu stops moving, hand suspended over the table as she stares at him; Soichiro chokes slightly on his mouthful; Sachiko drops the bowl she had just picked up to take through to the kitchen.

Sayu is first to regain her voice. "Wait, you guys are that serious? Light! I haven't even met him yet!" Her pout makes it clear she expects this to be remedied as soon as possible.

Soichiro clears his throat, but before he can speak Sachiko is intervening. "I'm sure you were polite when you turned him down." She knows him too well to think he might have said yes. A lesser person might resent her assumption, instead of feeling Light's ease at knowing that his act is still flawless. Her next words will be a refined echo of Sayu's request to meet L - "I have to admit, I do still hope you will continue the family name at some point."

Ah. An understandable mistake for her to make, Light knows, but he will need to correct it.

"I'm afraid you will have to look to Sayu for your future grandchildren," he says, demure and a touch embarrassed by the topic, just as he should be.

Her frown is not the response he wanted. Neither is the sweet, fake smile she turns on him, far more poorly crafted than his own. "I know, your first real relationship can be overwhelming, but in time -"

He forces his eyes not to narrow. "I cannot give you grandchildren," he says with more emphasis.

"Light, just because you haven't -"

He realises suddenly that his hands are fisted underneath the table, and opens them. "Mother. I have had tests run at two independent laboratories. I am no more capable of fathering a child than I am of bearing one. _I cannot give you grandchildren_."

The room is filled with choking embarrassment and humiliation at his words, and he finds himself picturing L's reaction to his bluntness. Probably an ironic round of applause, knowing the man's urge to do anything and everything that will get under his skin. The image helps him distance himself from his own humiliation, letting him wait out his family's shock to see their response.

Sayu is the first to speak up. "Huh. Well... I guess your lover doesn't have to worry that you're gonna leave him to have kids, then."

Light decides to continue his unwelcome honesty, in the hopes of convincing his parents to never bring up this topic again. "He's funding research into human cloning, because he says I'm a 'sample of perfection that should not be denied to future generations'."

Sayu snorts, bursting into giggles. "He's got a weird sense of humour!"

Light can't help the look of long-suffering that he feels taking over his face. "He said that when I was looking at his investments and asked him why." Meaning that his lover quite possibly _is_ trying to clone him, or find a nonstandard means of combining their DNA, or... frankly, the possibilities grow worse from there, and so Light does his best not to consider them.

Sayu looks torn between fascination and horror as she realises that Light is telling her it probably wasn't a joke. The rest of the evening passes with halfhearted attempts at normal conversation, Light's relevations about his lover having knocked his parents too far off kilter for them to adjust before the night is over and Light is leaving to return to the hotel room L is staying at.

Not that his family know this; they think Light is returning to the apartment L has rented for him (along with one in every other major city in the world). The rent is a waste of money, but having seen bank statements detailing some of L's finances, Light cannot find an argument against it that L will accept. Their relationship's success may not depend on Light having a place of his own for when L becomes truly unbearable, but it has likely helped.

The fact that L has never actually become unbearable enough for Light to go to any of them is irrelevant.

Light winces as he realises that marrying L would mean giving up his so-far-unused private spaces. Then he tells himself that is just another reason why marrying L is such a terrible idea.

Then he reminds himself that he doesn't want to get married.

 

 

He should have expected it when Soichiro decides he needs to talk to L - as Light's boyfriend, not his employer, and Light is hoping that L's urge to provoke Light won't lead to Soichiro finding out L fills both roles. Light does not want his father assuming that there is an imbalance of power between them, since he would immediately try to convince Light to end the relationship and find a healthier one.

Light starts thinking about how Soichiro would react to L's dual roles if he found out after they got married, and can't stop the annoyed twitch of his eyebrows as he realises what he is thinking and carefully shuts the speculation down. Pettily, he decides to help Soichiro contact L. The annoyance of dealing with a concerned father should be decent payback for putting this recurring thought in Light's head.

Somehow, it completely slips his mind that this will make L aware that Light still thinks about his proposal - right up to the point where L gives him the too-wide grin which means he is honestly delighted by something and thinks that Light will very much not be.

"You're overanalysing it," Light murmurs, consciously keeping his voice to a low tone which won't draw attention.

"Overanalysing Light informing his family of my intent to marry him, or overanalysing Light enabling his father to contact me and confirm my intentions?" L asks around the finger in his mouth.

Both, Light wants to say. All of it, Light wants to say. It's normal, it's nothing, it's definitely not proof that he wants to marry L or a backwards way of accepting his proposal.

"Light-kun was more honest when we negotiated our first bedroom encounter," L says blandly. Before Light can fume at the banality of suggesting he is only honest when driven by lust, L continues, "and that required handcuffs, oneupmanship, and delicate negotiations."

He smiles at Light's banked aggression. "Fortunately, I was aware at the time of making my proposal that Light would take a great deal of time to come around to accepting it."

"Fortunately?" Light asks, stifling his aggravation under politeness.

"Of course! If I hadn't been, I might not have bought my dress in time."

L is the only person in the world who can make Light feel like his brain is a computer that has just locked up and frozen.

"We shall have to discuss appropriate colour schemes..." L muses, giving Light the sideways look that means he is intentionally provoking him.

It might work better if Light were paying attention, instead of trying to blot out the thought of L's dress. (The question he is desperate not to ask himself is what sort of dress would _L_ , of all people, think appropriate to wear as a crossdressing bride?)

L sees that he isn't going to react, which would be much better if he couldn't also see that the reason is his (unwelcome) focus on the images L has put into his head.

"Light-kun is, of course, aware that it is held to be bad luck for the future husband to see his future wife in her dress before the marriage."

Light blinks. Is L assuming that he is so perverted he will go through with this wedding purely to see L in a dress?

(It's better than the vulnerability, the _weakness_ , of wanting to get married so he can hear L promise to share the rest of his life with Light.)

He ignores how dry his throat is as he asks casually, "What kind of ceremony did you have in mind?" The question does, at least, give him the satisfaction of seeing L silenced and blinking for once. Normally, Light would refuse to make it so obvious that he is interested, forcing L to drag each concession and reluctant agreement from him, but -

(Light _wants_ this, more than he's ever wanted anything, because this will be L declaring that Light is as important to L as Light does not want to admit L is to Light.)

(Light isn't nearly as good at self-denial as he seems; it's just that before now nothing has tested him.)

\- pushing L so off-balance with one sentence is worth the (vulnerability) potential aggravation once L recovers from it.

If L were less well-suited to Light, he might do something stupid like hug Light when he recovers from his shock. Instead, he forces down his smile and joins Light in planning their wedding with the same methodical intensity they apply to strategising on how to catch the latest criminal.

Neither of them calls attention to it when their fingers tangle as they argue over catering.

 

 

They have to leave the country before their plans are finalised. The next few months pass in a blur of foreign hotel rooms, making it back to Japan for long enough to introduce L to Light's family (which goes precisely as terribly as Light expects), and over to England long enough for Light to meet L's successors/brothers (which he is horrified to learn after the fact (while he is scrubbing semi-permanent dye off his skin and concentrated skunk essence out of his hair) went _better_ than L expected), but not being able to stay in any one place for longer than a week.

Light finally visits three of his apartments during this time.

L goes with him. Neither of them bring up the fact that the apartments are meant to be a way for Light to get away from L. Neither of them bring up the fact that Light tends to fall asleep with his head on L's lap, either, or the fact that he wakes up before L once or twice to find L wrapped securely around him, still asleep.

They spend their time in much the same way as they do in the hotel rooms. It's sheer coincidence if either of them are less cautious with private small touches or soft endearments when there's no risk of obsequious staff or security cameras. Equally unworthy of note is the fact that they are in one of these apartments when they try to reverse their usual roles - not that it matters, since the experiment is a resounding failure; Light cannot make himself ignore what that part of L's body he is supposed to be touching is actually for, and the association has him going soft every time he tries. L is unbothered, smirking at the explanation for Light's lack of interest in gay porn.

(After they clean up from the resulting fight, L assures Light that he isn't particularly into assplay anyway, and several months of observation force Light to accept that he may have been honest.)

Neither of them acknowledge the personal items that they leave behind in each apartment they use - the blown glass figurine in Gaborone that L said reminded him of Light, the wall of dessert menus in Marseille that Light argued was purely for the practical reason of helping L remember what he ate where and not at all as reminders of their not-dates, the custom chess set in Alexandria with every piece identical despite their elaborate carving (Watari had taken one look at it and rolled his eyes at both of them). The apartments can't be their home - a personal space would be too vulnerable to outside attack, especially given how little time they spend in them.

But there is something nice about lying together on one of _their_ futons as they debate when Light will be ready to take over for Watari and let him retire in between finalising the wedding plans.

 

 

Light almost can't believe it when they finally have enough time to carry out their plans. L brings far more people than he would have expected (his successors, yes, but there are also agents who Light never realised he would be willing to show his face to, both his own and from organisations he works with) and Light has far less than might be expected (because no one with taste invites their ex-girlfriends to their wedding, and most of Light's friendships are too casual for him to want to involve them in something that actually matters to him).

Light stands in a hand-tailored cream three-piece-suit ("It's not as if either of us could wear white," he'd smirked at L as they agreed on colours) in front of the officiant who has no idea that the 'bride' they are waiting for is a man, wondering what L will look like.

He doesn't have to wonder for long.

Seeing L - 'Lal Daneuve' - walking up the aisle towards him drives the air from his lungs as if L has just kicked him.

L's hair, normally untameable, is sleekly twisted in a complicated pattern around crimson roses. A masterful application of concealer has the bags under his eyes looking like eyeliner smudges, making his wide eyes stand out even more, and his lips are coloured the same shade as the roses in his hair.

He's gorgeous.

The dress he wears is simple, elegant - high at the neck, with cupped sleeves and a skirt down to his ankles.

It's also made entirely of dark red lace.

The only thing stopping it from being indecent is a cream slip beneath it that ends mid-thigh. Light's eyes trail down past the cream hem that he can make out under the lace skirt, admiring L's smooth legs for a moment before reaching his (bare) feet (because of course L has refused to wear shoes to their wedding). L's toes are painted the same red as his lips, as his dress, and the fact that Light can _see_ that means L isn't wearing stockings, which means those are L's _bare_ legs he can see through the skirt -

Light drags his eyes back to L's face, and for a blinding moment he _hates_ L more than he's ever hated _anyone_ , because he is standing here in front of everyone whose respect matters to both of them and he's harder and wetter than he's ever been in his entire life just from seeing his lover walk towards him in a dress.

He manages to keep his usual pleasant expression on his face, but he sees L's fractional hesitation as their eyes meet and knows that L's irritating ability to see through his lies is still working perfectly. Fortunately, the officiant doesn't have the same ability, and so they get through the ceremony with Light hiding behind his charm and L playing the demure bride. Light pays almost no attention to any of it, too focussed on trying to lose his erection despite L standing right beside him. When it's time for their first kiss as a married couple, he brushes his lips over L's as lightly as possible, trying not to taste his lipstick or breathe in his scent.

The reception party is elsewhere, so everyone heads off into the cars and taxis. Light and L, playing up their Western-style wedding, have hired a limo (the hired driver personally vetted by Light, L, Watari, _and_ Soichiro - he might be disconcerted if he knew how in-depth the records on him now are).

Light manages, barely, to restrain himself until the door is closed behind them. L only has time to give him a wary look before Light practically tackles him onto the seat, kissing him the way he was terrified he might in front of everyone at their wedding: hungry and greedy and desperate for more.

L gasps, welcomes Light, both of them fumbling with their clothes - shoving L's skirts up, unfastening Light's trousers that are tailored to open further than most men would ever need them to - and makes a startled noise as he finds that Light's equally personalised boxers are soaked through and clinging to his thighs. "You're this turned on?"

"Since you walked up the aisle," Light growls, bucking his hips and trying to ride L's fingers even as he straddles his bride's hips. L slumps back against the seat in relief, then smiles up at Light, his own erection rising.

"I thought Light-kun had changed his mind too late," he confesses, and Light is too needy to stop but he leans down and bites L's chin as punishment for being so stupid.

"Never," he snarls as he finally, _finally_ gets L inside him the way he's needed to since seeing him walk down the aisle. "You're never getting away from me now, L."

"Possessive," L challenges with a fierce grin, but his arms around Light's neck say that he feels exactly the same.

It's rough and fast and crude and they barely finish in time to yank L's skirts down before the driver opens the door for them. It's also exactly what Light needed to put him in the sort of mood a newly-wedded husband is expected to be in.

Their guests notice how much more relaxed Light and L both are at the party. Light's family attribute it to nerves. L's brothers, unblinded by any false opinions on Light's respectability, figure out the real reason for their good mood in a matter of minutes, and each react in their own ways: Mello glares at Light, ignoring L's similar good mood in the way of any adolescent who has just become aware that someone is having sex with their idol; Matt smirks with the expression of a boy who has found something to tease a distant cousin on; and Near simply keeps the blank expression of someone who is completely uninterested in what is going on around them.

Light's favourite is either Matt or Near, depending on whether Matt is planning to tease him as well as L.

L ignores the byplay in favour of seeing how many of their guests he can disconcert by draping himself over Light. Light smiles affectionately at him, pretending not to be unnerved by how honest the expression feels, and murmurs, "Anata," just to hear the endearment.

His bride's smile is just as genuine as his own. Yamamoto shouts, "Now give him a _proper_ kiss," breaking the moment before Mello can, but they regain it as they follow his advice.

Light smiles again as they draw back, telling himself that this new security he feels is ridiculous when the ceremony they have just been through has no legal standing - would not even if they had both used their true names - and divorces are steadily becoming more common by the year.

 

 

Five years after their 'purely symbolic' wedding, a woman from their latest case flirts with increasingly blatancy, refusing to accept his lack of interest and repeated refusals. Light doesn't think twice as he tells her (the moment it will not intefere with the case), "Ah, no. I'm married, and I have no interest in cheating on my husband."

Her shock is almost as sweet a reward as L's response, back at their apartment.

Afterwards, Light lies happily in the arms of his husband, and cannot remember why he had ever doubted their relationship would last.

**Author's Note:**

> Here are photo references for [Light's suit,](http://www.mensusa.com/images/image11828.jpg) [L's hairstyle,](http://www.inspireleads.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/short-wedding-hairstyle.jpg) and [L's dress,](http://sangmaestro.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/red-lace-wedding-dress.jpg) if anyone wants them.


End file.
